Sociable?

I've mention before that in my last appointment with the psychiatrist he had told me that I'm very sociable and that what probably happened after New Year was that after two very intense weeks of social gatherings I felt worse because part of me missed the social part of the holidays. 

Christmas at our house is very intense because everyone comes to our house and the house gets full of people. And I kind of like it. I like having the house full, I like being able to talk to all the people that I love and that I only see every now and then and I like to see my little cousins open their gifts. To me that's what Christmas is about. Having your family there with you. 

Our house is usually full until after the New Year. We always have people for lunch or dinner and this year that made me not having time to think. I was always occupied with something. I always had something to do so I didn't have time to be in my room thinking about how miserable I've felt on work Christmas dinner, how I felt about people's craze to don't mind their own business (it was something that was really bothering me at the time). And that helped me a lot. I really feel that there's a big difference in me before and after Christmas holidays.  Then I went to Barcelos to spend the New Year's eve and the week after I felt miserable. I felt alone, abandoned, desperate. Everything that I used to feel in August and September. I thought I was worse, I cried a lot and I just wanted to stay in my bedroom. 

I think that after one week or two I started feeling better. Until last weekend. Last weekend was horrible. I was pretty down. I was really sad and on Monday I had one of those days. I cried at work and my insecurities all came to the surface. I let them control me and that made me feel even worse. 

So I started to think what had changed and I came to the conclusion that I had three weekends of going to concerts, of seeing my friends, of having fun, and on that weekend I stayed at home. I didn't go anywhere. That was the difference and I really think that unconsciously I missed going out. 

It's something that I need to work out. I have to feel good while being alone. But I also think that it's good that I can see what makes me feel worse, what makes go down. That way I can think of how I am going to make things work.