Christmas holidays
I spent this week at home and it was great! But I knew it would be. I'm in my safe place. I'm not out there in Porto working on my issues. But I needed this break. I was feeling exhausted the week before Christmas. I couldn't even think of going to Porto. I just wanted to stay at home.
This week I felt great! I worked (not much because my house is full of family!), I practice bass, I spent time with my family and I noticed that I spent less time on my phone! It was good. I was needing this.
I thought a lot about what I'm going to do in January. I still need to work a lot of things out and I need to be stronger than ever. I want to get through all of this. I know the biggest part of it already passed, but there are little things that need to be better and living in Porto is one of them. I need to have a plan while I'm there and I need to follow the plan and not do what I did. I know I'm going to rely even more on my cousin in the beginning but I don't see it as a bad thing. He's been very helpful and he has a big part in my "recovery" so I think it's normal that I still rely on him for some things.
This week I also found out that I can be alone for long periods of time. I've return to the schedules that I used to have! Going to bed at 6 am and wake up at 13 pm! I work a lot better during the night and this way I can work at night and still do some things during the afternoon. I hate mornings! So I'm alone all night and it feels great actually. The thing is, I'm in my safe place. I kind of knew this was not going to be a problem. I need to see how I deal with things out of my comfort zone. But I still don't feel ready for that. I'm still scared of staying in Barcelos alone. I ask my cousin or my best friend to stay in their houses when I want to drink and can't drive. I think that with time I'm going to start doing things I did before. I'm not that scared of my thoughts anymore and sometimes I have the old dreams and they don't make me feel the way they used before. I don't cry because of them and I don't feel as sad as I did actually. I really feel that I'm going somewhere. I don't feel that much pain as I used to. Not even close. And I think that this week helped me a lot honestly.
Step by step I'm getting out of this. At least I'm feeling it,
This week I felt great! I worked (not much because my house is full of family!), I practice bass, I spent time with my family and I noticed that I spent less time on my phone! It was good. I was needing this.
I thought a lot about what I'm going to do in January. I still need to work a lot of things out and I need to be stronger than ever. I want to get through all of this. I know the biggest part of it already passed, but there are little things that need to be better and living in Porto is one of them. I need to have a plan while I'm there and I need to follow the plan and not do what I did. I know I'm going to rely even more on my cousin in the beginning but I don't see it as a bad thing. He's been very helpful and he has a big part in my "recovery" so I think it's normal that I still rely on him for some things.
This week I also found out that I can be alone for long periods of time. I've return to the schedules that I used to have! Going to bed at 6 am and wake up at 13 pm! I work a lot better during the night and this way I can work at night and still do some things during the afternoon. I hate mornings! So I'm alone all night and it feels great actually. The thing is, I'm in my safe place. I kind of knew this was not going to be a problem. I need to see how I deal with things out of my comfort zone. But I still don't feel ready for that. I'm still scared of staying in Barcelos alone. I ask my cousin or my best friend to stay in their houses when I want to drink and can't drive. I think that with time I'm going to start doing things I did before. I'm not that scared of my thoughts anymore and sometimes I have the old dreams and they don't make me feel the way they used before. I don't cry because of them and I don't feel as sad as I did actually. I really feel that I'm going somewhere. I don't feel that much pain as I used to. Not even close. And I think that this week helped me a lot honestly.
Step by step I'm getting out of this. At least I'm feeling it,
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