New Year's dinner

This New Year's eve I had dinner and passed the midnight at my bestfriend's house just like last year! I really didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in Afife and spend it with my parents and family. I cried all afternoon of the 31st. I felt lonely, miserable and I just wanted to stay in my bedroom. But I made the effort, got ready and went to Barcelos. 

Truth be told, during the first part of the night I felt the same, I just didn't cry. But I made the effort to try to have fun. I noticed that I was reaching for my phone a lot to talk with my cousin. Just before midnight I got better! And from then on I had an amazing time! I still didn't sleep at home alone but I think that with time I'll start sleeping there. 

Just like always when I go out in Barcelos I went to all the places that were open. I found my cousin and he came along with me. I found more friends and I just had fun! I danced, I smiled, I laughed. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun. I don't remember the last time my smile was so genuine, that a laugh was so easy to give. I ended the night at 7 am at a friends house eating and drinking! Just like last year. I just hope that 2019 is going to be different than 2018. 

This night made me see that I can be myself. That I can have fun and that I have friends. I have people that care about me and that just want me to be happy. I have a cousin that's amazing. That spent the night with me. Making me smile, laugh and that talked with me and listened to me. My bestfriend, when I was saying that he was a rock for me these past months, told me that maybe I'm also helping him. And I never thought about it. I never thought that maybe I can help someone, that maybe I can be there for him like he is there for me. 

I learned that even if I don't feel like going out or do something that I should at least try. At least when it's in Barcelos because I will always find someone that I know and trust. And I need that. I still need someone that if I start to cry or feel bad I know that it's going to be there. And yesterday I had that. I had my bestfriend, I had my cousin and I had another friend that was with me all night (and he doesn't even know what I'm going through). With them my walls are not up. I can be myself. And I feel safe with them. And safety is something that I need and that I still didn't found in Porto. But that's another story.

Happy new year everyone!