Behavior

Day 16 here! 

The question for today is: How have I been behaving in relation to what is most important in my life?

This one is hard but I'm going to try to answer it the best way that I can. 

I guess the answer to this question depends on what you decide what is the most important thing in your life. For me, at this moment, it's my family and my PhD. And regarding both I've been behaving pretty bad. I guess that between August and January things were worse. I didn't care at all about anything. And even though my family was one of my supports during all of this I know that I behaved pretty bad towards them. I guess it's normal. We tend to treat poorly the people that are always there for us. And I did it "perfectly". 

And with my PhD I just couldn't concentrate and I just couldn't do anything. I just wanted to quit and stay at home and I've considered so many times to just leave it all behind. To never return to that place where I just felt miserable. I just couldn't care about anything. And I was fighting so hard against myself to not quit and to go back there everyday. It was exhausting. 

But then in January I started to feel better and I started to see things from another perspective. And that changed me and changed my behavior. I was able to see the horrible person that I had been at home. And I changed that. I guess the old Teresa is back! I've been feeling happy and I've been more playful and I'm joking more. And truth to be told I've missed that a lot. I've missed the happy Teresa so much. And this one is a little more confident. Not fully but a little more than the other. 

I've been more focused on the PhD even though I still feel a giant lack of concentration. It's very hard for me to start working and if someone interrupts me I take forever to start again. Sometimes I just can't. And I hate it. But I'm trying to change that too. I really am. I've been setting goals for the day and I do my best to reach them. Sometimes they are not that much but I have to be realistic and I know how I feel and I know that the way that I feel is going to affect my work. My ups and downs are still here, the difference is that I've learned to deal with them.