Under control

So far the challenge has been kind of easy to do. I guess it's because I've talked about some of these things before (and I believe I've already said this in another post!). While it has been easy to develop the answers it doesn't mean that it has been easy to approach the topics. But it's been good for me. I'm finding out more about myself than what I thought I would.

Today's question is: To what extent has my life been under my control so far?

This one is funny. I know I would have answered it pretty differently one year ago. Last year I would have said that I was the one in control and that everything was under control. Then in August I would have said that I didn't know. That I'd lost control of everything. That I didn't know what was going to happen and that I was about to give up. I only saw black back then. My life was black, the past, present and future were all black. When I compare my life in April of last year with my life with August/September it's like when you take the color of a picture and turn it black & white. April was full of colors, hope and dreams and August/September were empty of all of that. 

Now? Now I do believe I'm starting to control things again. I'm starting to see a new future, I'm starting to see colors again. And it's funny because I've been so much calmer. I'm not reacting to things like I did last year. I let things calm down and I try to think more before talking. And I'm really trying to not stress about things that I can't control. It's not easy but I'm starting to believe that I'm getting there. 

I know that I won't be able to control everything. I can only control what I do. I can't control other people's actions, but I can control my reaction to them and that's what I've been doing. If someone says something that I don't like I don't respond. I just let it pass. And after some time I don't see things as big as before. I'm changing my perspective about things and that helps me controlling my life. 

I know what I want and I'm doing my best to get there.