Skin

Day 9 here. I'm still writing at least 15 minutes per question. Sometimes I just can't wait for the clock to ring and sometimes I write for more 15 minutes. It really depends. But it's good if you make yourself write a minimum time.

Today's question/sentence is: I feel happy and good on my skin when...

When I feel that I can be myself. This is the only answer I can give. Most of the time I feel that I can't be myself. I need to use this cover because I don't think that people will like my true self. Most of this happens at work and that's where I spent the majority of my time and that's why maybe I don't feel happy there. I think that only 2 people there know the real Teresa. Because they are the only ones I can trust. I don't give myself very easily. I trust people but there's only a part of me that stays behind to see what's going to happen. And most of the times that part of me never shows up. I make up this Teresa that I believe people will like. That only says the "right" things, that most of the times doesn't say what she truly believes. I give people one opportunity to try to know me and when I feel that they don't want to or that they just don't care I don't let that happen. I keep everything to myself. I guess it's a way of protecting myself. I like to say the people only know me when I show my bad humor. And only my real friends have seen it. Trust me! 

With my friends I feel so free. So light. I feel that I can do anything because they like me! And that's so good. You don't have to think about the right answer. You don't have to think if sharing what you're thinking during an argument is a good idea. You just say the answer, you just give your argument. They will get where you're coming from. They will get you. 

This happen during Capitão Fausto's concert. I felt that I could dance and make a fool of myself because my brother, his girlfriend and my cousin where there and I felt "safe". If they weren't and I was only with my friends from Porto, I guess I would have felt the concert in a different way. The same happen in the after party. Even though some friends from Porto were there I also had people from Barcelos and that made me feel safe. It made me feel that I could just be myself and not care about anything else. And most times at work I don't feel that. Because most of the people don't get my sense of humor so I normally don't say the jokes I would say if I were with other people. I don't let "silly Teresa" out because they will think I'm even more stupid than I really am.

So that Teresa, the real Teresa? Only the people that I really like know her. I tend to keep her just for those people because when I'm with them I love my skin, I am happy and I feel safe. I know that they won't talk behind my back. And I don't feel that at work. So everyday I put this cover! The real Teresa is on Whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook talking with the people that she loves and that's one of the reasons I still use social media a lot. 

I guess I have to feel that you earn to know me, or that I can really trust. I've been hurt a lot (and I know that everyone already did) and this is the way that I found to protect myself. I still get hurt, but most of the time it isn't that bad because I knew that it was going to happen.