Self-reflection

So, I've decided to start doing a writing challenge called: Journaling Challenge for Self-Reflection. Basically everyday for 21 days I'll have questions or sentences to answer and develop. I'm going to share them with you, maybe not all of them because some of them are more private and something that I'll need to do alone and just for myself. They say you should set a minimum time to write and always stick to it. I've set 15 minutes. That's my minimum. They also said that you should do it everyday at the same time because it takes 21 days to create or break a habit. If any of you want to try just message me and I'll give you the link.

Today is day 1 and here is the question:

What is most important in my life?

When reading this question the first thing that comes to my mind is my family. I always thought and I always felt that my family was the best thing that I had and the biggest support that I could possibly ask for. I know that no matter what happens to me, no matter my choices, I will always have their support. This doesn't mean that they will agree with everything that I'll do. I'm pretty sure they will never agree with everything, but I know that despite that, they will be there for me. They will tell me why they don't agree but in the end it will be my choice and no matter what they will be there to pick me up and help me get back on my feet. And they will never tell me "I told you so". It never happen and I've made some choices that they weren't happy with. And they did just that. They pick me up and they help me get better. They never intruded in my life. When I decided to break up with my 10 year boyfriend my mom had a serious conversation with me and told me that she and my dad had already talked a few times because they were worried with me. They thought I wasn't happy and that I was always angry and picking up fights and that they both agreed that my relationship didn't have a future. But they both decided that they weren't going to talk to me about it because I was the one that had to come to that conclusion alone. If they talked to me my reaction would be to be annoyed, mad, with them. So, when I told her that I had broken up, she told me this, only then. And I think that that's how it should be. Our parents can have their opinions on how we're living our lives, but they are their opinions and if we don't ask for them they should keep them until we do. And they shouldn't judge us. This is what my parents taught me and this is how I think things should go. So yes. Family is the most important thing in my life. And here in family I'm including my close friends that are like family to me.

On the other hand, since the depression, I think I can't say I only have one important thing in my life. More and more my happiness is becoming a very important thing to me. I know it's stupid but I never cared much about my happiness. I always wanted people around me, people that I loved to be happy and I would do everything that I could to make that happen, always leaving my own happiness to the side. Now I've been focusing on my happiness and it's been the best thing I've done in a while. I've never knew how much I needed to do this. I've never knew how much I've been neglecting my happiness just to make other happy. Sometimes I would do things that I didn't want to do just because I knew that if I didn't make them someone was going to get sad or someone was going to have a bad opinion about me. Up until a few months ago I would consider trying to be someone that I wasn't because I knew that that would make people like me more. Because my insecurities would make me believe that I needed to be someone that I wasn't. And that's why when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me in August the first thing I thought was that it was something that I had done or hadn't done. That I was broken in some way for him not to want to be with me. For him no to like me the way that I liked him. Now, with lots of therapy, I know that I'm not the problem and I'm starting to accept me for what I am, how I am. And I'm starting to see that I'm someone interesting, that I'm not dumb and I'm somewhat pretty. I'm not yet sure about this things and it's going to take a while for me to believe in them 100% but I guess I'm getting there.

(no one knows how much I missed this smile)