Life

Day three, question three!

What has surprised me about my life, or about life in general?

I guess I'm going to talk about the last months of my life. I've been surprising myself a lot. Like a lot lot! I know I've already talked about this but I've found out that I'm really stronger than what I have ever thought I was. If you asked me one year ago if I was going to be able to get through all of this I would have answered you that I wouldn't. That what happened to me was enough to set me back and that I wasn't going to be able to get back together on my feet. But guess what? I've been able to! And it's amazing! It's amazing to look back into August/September and remembering how I was, how broken I felt. To look back into October/November and remembering how much I wanted to quit. How much I just wanted to be left alone. How down I was and how low I had reached. And even though I know that I'm not better, that I still have a long path to walk, I feel that the worst already happened. That I was able to pass through that line. It really is amazing to see how much I changed in a few months. That although I still feel that I don't believe in myself or trust me, that I'm getting to a place where I'm starting to love where I am. That I'm starting to be comfortable on my skin again. And I guess that it shows. This surprises me because one month ago I didn't think this would be possible. Really. I never thought that I was going to be able to love me. But maybe I am. Maybe I will. 

Things are not easy as we thought when we were young! I wish I could go back in time and just give advices to my young self! i guess the most important would be to just trust in myself. That in the end everything was going to be okay! To trust my gut. To not fight against what I am. To believe in myself. 

My life is not what I dreamt when I was young! Even though I never wanted to have kids I always thought that that was going to be something that was going to happen and sometimes I thought about that. I wanted to have my first kid around 29 or 30 years! I'm 31 now! I'm no where close to have kids! And sometimes I think that times flies by so fast and if I'm going to have time to have a family. This is something that surprises me a lot about my life! I never, in a million years, thought that I was going to have these kind of thoughts! Wondering about kids. about if I'm getting too old to have them (I know I'm not!) and sometimes getting scared about it! Fifteen year old Teresa would laugh about this! She would have called me crazy! She should have told me to just enjoy my life! And that's what I'm doing. I feel that I started living again this past week. And I'm really loving it. I just don't want this to be a phase. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel down again. This scares me! A lot. But lets see!