Hardship

I believe that when we're facing the breaking point like I did something beautiful will come of it. I'm starting to think that it is okay for us to feel. In the beginning the only thing I wanted was to not feel. I just wished at the time that I could turn my heart into stone and never feel again. Because I believed that my problems came from feeling. That if I didn't feel nothing at all I would be okay. We should be able to allow ourselves to feel and while doing it we should seek the opportunity to grow. 

While enduring this hardship and going through all this pain I'm going through I also think what's the lesson that I'm going to take out of all this. What's the new thing I'm going to learn. Will I learn something? Up until now I've learn that I'm stronger than I ever thought, that I'm more than what I thought, even though I still have a hard time believing in this. 

These moments are hard and I think they are even harder to face because you have to face yourself and you can only count on yourself to get through this. The moments are like mirror that reflect what's deeply hidden inside of us and facing that is not something easy. You have to be strong to face your deepest fears. Because in the end this is what's holding you back. It's hard to face everything inside of yourself because you're only going to see flaws and mistakes. That's what I see when I look inside me. And I know that everyone has flaws but when you're facing yours it's just you against them. I don't want to change my flaws but I believe that in order for me to find my inner peace I have to learn to live with my flaws and I have to make them part of me. I can't fight them because they also make of me who I am. 

The only thing I really want to find is my inner peace. It's my light at the end of the tunnel and even though it was out of reach, now that I can see it it seems that it's taking me forever to get there. But I've accepted that everything takes its time. I just have to be patient and wait. And while I'm waiting I'm working to get there. Step by step. I've been trying to accept me for who I am and not for who I want the others to see. I am how I am and I won't change me. I know that now. It's time to believe in this and to make it happen. 

I want to believe that all of this happened for a reason. I don't know why yet but I feel that if I don't believe in this, things will be even harder than they are. But I also believe that when I reach my inner peace I will be able to savor everything good that might happen even better. Because I will know what it took me to get there. How hard it was to get there.