Adolescence

Do you ever wish you could return to your teenage years? Do you ever think that you were truly happy back then? Not to change anything, but just to relive all of those things again? Do you ever think that back then everything was easier? Do you ever feel that everything you dreamt never really happened? 

I do. From time to time I wish that I could return to those days. From time to time I feel that back then I was happier. Everything was easier, everything was better. I know it's because I only see black now and it's easier to remember times when I was happier and think of them as better times. 

I miss the days when I was 15/16. I miss going out with friends that were everything to me, I miss the freedom that I had, I miss all the dreams I had and the feeling that I was going to achieve everything I wanted to. I miss the confidence I had in myself and the love I had for myself back then. I believe that when you're 15 you feel that everything is easy, that the future is going to be whatever you want and however you want it. You're not a child but you're still not an adult so you still have a kind of innocence. An innocence that makes you dream of everything. An innocence that makes you feel everything. I miss those innocence. I miss the times when I could only see good in people, when I didn't even dreamt of having walls around my heart. When only one boy had broke my heart and I picked up the pieces and build it again. I miss the fact that my heart was strong, that even though I suffered, it didn't hurt as this last time. I miss the times where I thought that I could take everything that life was going to throw my way. 

I loved my life back then! I loved that I could go out every weekend, that my parents trusted enough in me to never give me a curfew. I loved meeting my friends after class and walk around town until it was time to go home. I loved my friends, I felt safe around them and I always thought that nothing was going to happen to our little group. Then life happens and everything changes and you start thinking that you were lucky enough to have an adolescence like I had. An adolescence that it was so good that from time to time you wish you could return to it just to feel happy again, just to feel the feeling of being able to conquer the world. Just to feel what it is to like yourself, Just to dream with a future again. A happy future. 

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.

We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing. But ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good. Dreaming.

If you had a friend you knew you’d never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it, do it, don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever.

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want.

Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true.

You never know where the next miracle’s gonna come from.

The next memory. The next smile. The next wish come true.

But if you believe that it’s right around the corner.

And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it. To the certainty of it.

You might just get the thing you’re wishing for.

The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it.

So make your wish. Do you have it?

Good. Now believe in it.

With all your heart.” - One Tree Hill

This is the last thing the characters of One Tree Hill (my favorite tv show) say and it always touched me. I can relate with almost everything there.

I'm accepting my life as it is and I know that it's a good life. My problem is just with myself. Starting to love yourself is not easy when all you see on yourself are defects, but I'm getting there. I think.