Trust?

I might feel better and I even might be on the right path, but one of the things that I still can't do is trust people. I really don't trust anyone outside my inner circle of family and friends. Not at 100%. I'm always scared that people are going to let me down or to hurt me. 

I can't trust no one. That's how I feel. I'm still scared of getting hurt so, inside, I feel that it's safer not to trust anyone and to have this gap between me and other people. Even with new people I met. It's harder for me to trust someone. I can feel that. It's like I know they are going to let me down so it's better for me not to even start anything. And I know people can feel that, but I don't feel ready to let people in. New people I meet or the one I've already known. I just can't let myself open up to them and I feel that it's harder for me to ask for help to my friends because I don't want to be judge or I don't want them to think I'm weak.

I think I can count with my fingers the people that I trust 100%. They are not that many. Even the ones that I used to trust I don't anymore. I've built this cage around me and I don't let anyone in. And I don't know when I'll be ready to let someone in or to get out of it.

With time I think I'm getting better and I think I'm starting to let my walls down, but, there's always this thought in my head that doesn't let me get them completely down. The thought is always saying that I'm not ready, that they are going to hurt me like I've been in the past and that it's better to stay with the walls up. I'm fighting that thought. I am. But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I have to agree with it and keep the walls up. If no one gets in I can't be hurt. And for now, I'm better that way.