Healing

I had an appointment with the psychologist this week, and, in the end, I felt really really good. Better. He told me that I'm so much better. He said something that almost made me cry: "welcome back". That meant a lot because in the last couple of weeks I've been feeling a lot like my old self. Like I'm starting to be me again, and having someone from the outside telling me this means that it's not just me that's noticing this. 

I told him that even though I feel better, I'm just scared that this is just a phase. That maybe in a few days or weeks I'm going to start feeling worse again. Maybe I'm just in a peak of feeling good and the next phase is feeling down again. That scares me. But he told me that he doesn't think so. Because normally if this was just a phase this would happen right after an appointment with him and the last time I had an appointment with him I felt pretty down for a few days, a week even. So that didn't happen. This phase happened because I made it happen so I just need to keep things as they are or making them even better. 

I'm putting into practice all the coping mechanisms he taught me. I'm applying them into work, into my life in Porto and even in my personal life. I'm not going to lie. Going to Porto is not as hard as it used to as well as going to work. I've been feeling better in both places. I notice that I can do things by myself and being alone is not as hard as it used to. It's still hard. But I don't feel as desperate as I used to. I don't know what changed but I feel more free. Like something just got out of my back. I don't feel the weight I used to feel. 

According to him I'm on the right path. I just need to be careful with the expectations I put on myself. Because I demand a lot of myself and I want things to happen right away. I have to be more patient and let things take their time. I can't want things for yesterday. Things take their time and I have to accept that. I can't let my expectations disappoint me. I have to stop taking the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

I was really scared with this appointment. Because even though I felt better I was scared that it was just a phase and that the questions he normally asks would make me realize that. But the contrary happened!