Psychiatrist

I had psychiatrist appointment this week and I was so nervous about it. The last time I had an appointment we had talked about starting to take off the antidepressant around this time but I wasn't feeling ready to do it. I've been having lots of ups and downs and I still don't feel stable enough to start taking off the antidepressant. 

It was a good appointment. I've been finding out somethings about me that I didn't know. I always thought that I was an anti-social person but the doctor says that I'm a person that likes to be surrounded by people and when I'm not I always feel worse. That I feel worse when I feel that I'm not wanted, when I feel I'm being left out, when I feel that the people that I like don't like me. In those cases I tend to be more reserved and I tend to isolate myself. The problem in England was that, even though I liked what I did there and I liked being there, I spent a lot of time alone and it made me isolate myself and it gave me time to think about all my problems and making them bigger than what they were. 

He says that he feels that I like what I'm doing (job related) but the problem is that I still haven't found the place where I belong. That I'm trying to find it but it just didn't happened. Yet. He says he trusts every choice I'll make because I'm a thoughtful person and he knows that I'll make the right choices. That I just have to stop seeing the bad things in everything. I need to start being more optimistic. 

He also said that even with everything I still have hope. I might feel I don't but I do. And when bad things happens I might feel down and feel that everything is going to stay this way, after a little time I have this thing that makes me get back up on my feet and start all over. The thing that makes me get out of the bed instead of staying there. And that's hope. Hope that everything will be okay, hope that I'll be happy again and that I'll find my place. It's this hope that makes me keep going even when I want to quit. I had never realized it. I just thought I had to keep living my life.

And, to my surprise, he said that I have an adventurous side that I should keep and not give up on. 

I'm still going to keep taking the antidepressant for a while. At least while I'm still not stable. 

All in all I think it was a good appointment and I left there feeling good with myself.