First week back at work

It wasn't really a week! Monday I had a doctor's appointment and on Tuesday I was feeling a little bit sick so I stayed at home. So it was only 3 days! 

I was very nervous about going back to Porto. Very. I think I started not sleeping when I realized I only had one more week to stay at home. That I had to come to Porto. And I really didn't want to. 

I have to say it was better than what I expected. I had things to do outside of work so my time was always occupied. I already knew I was going to have a dinner on Thursday with my cousin and a friend. But on Wednesday he invited me to meet him after my music class and I went to have dinner with him and his colleagues. And it was so good. I met new people, funny people. I relaxed a lot. I felt happy. As happy as I can be. On the way home I had a conversation with my cousin about how I felt and how my feelings were. And it was a great conversation. He has this way of calming me down and of understanding me and it's so good when you feel that someone understands you and supports you. 

On Thursday I had the proof that what I thought I was feeling was right. My heart is better! It is. Some things are still difficult but I truly believe that it's because I'm still down and sad so everything that remembers me of a time when I was happy still hurts me. But that's it. The memories are hard. The memories of what it was, what could have been. But they're just memories now. And with time that's also going to get better. I truly know that now.

I was so happy with this on Thursday! But then my mom called me and told me that Fluffy has a renal insufficiency and I felt that something inside me had broken again. I did not sleep at all and Friday morning was a nightmare. I just wanted to go home to see my cat but I had things to do in Porto, I knew that I was going to calm down when I saw her. My cousin told me to try not to think about it and not be pessimistic as I am. To get ready for the worst but hope for the best. But to try and work a little. I did not eat anything. As soon as I got home and I saw her, I felt better. Relieved. 

Work was kind of a nightmare this week. I can't write. Not more than three lines every now and then. I really need to try to do something about my concentration. I need to talk with my doctors about it. Because it is with everything. Even with what I love to do. I'm not training bass as I did. I used to train almost 2 hours and now to train 30 minutes it's a nightmare. And it scares me.