Concentration

My concentration has been getting worse in recent times. I don't know what's happening. Maybe it's because I'm feeling worse or because of my lack of sleeping (or lack of quality sleep), but it's been painful! 

I can't work. At all. I've been writing and the most I can write is one sentence at a time, then every little thing makes me stop. And to start again takes time. A lot of time. And it's like a circle. I was better. When I arrived from Rome I was working better and my concentration was better. 

I can't read again. One page at a time and I forget what I read. And then I have to go back and read all over again! And this happens with books that I was enjoying reading. So imagine what happens when I have to read scientific papers! It's hard. It's not one page at a time. It's one sentence at a time! I make the effort. I make myself read and I try to do what the psychologist told me. But it takes time and I'm getting impatient honestly. know I should not do this but I had set a date to when I had to be better. And it was this month, January. And now that I feel I'm going back I'm starting to feel frustrated. More than usual. And when I get frustrated I tend to "tear" me down. More than usual.

In the past days I've been watching only comedy shows. I can't watch anything else. I've also been watching improvisational comedy. A lot. It makes me laugh and it takes my mind out of everything.

I've also been making the effort of not be in my room always. I'm trying to spend more time with my mom at home. I don't want to be alone. I can't be alone. It scares me a lot. And I don't want to be always in my room because I just stay there watching youtube videos or something that will make me laugh but I'm alone (with the cats!).

New year and things are like this. It doesn't give me hope but I can't depend on hope!