The future

Sometimes I still feel lost. Sometimes I still think what the hell am I doing here. What the hell am I doing with my life? Where did I go wrong? Could I have done something different? If I could turn back time would I change something?

I don't know the answer to all of these questions. I know, now, that if for some reason I could turn back time, I would change some things and I know exactly what! But I don't know how to turn back in time and I can't change what I did. And I accept everything that I've done. I might not like the consequences but I accept and I don't regret anything.

But the doubt is always here. Am I doing what is right? How do you know if what you're doing is right? I guess you'll always have this doubt. Smaller or bigger the doubt will always be there. The doubt if you made the right choice. Is there a way to know if your choice is the right one? I don't think so.

Deep down I just want to be happy. I want to feel happy with myself. I want to be confident and be more me. I don't feel like I'm "me" right now. I think that what people see now it's more like a shell than what I am. I don't show myself to people (trust issues). Only my close friends see me for me. Only them know me and only with them I can feel like I can be myself. And with them I feel "free". The rest of the time I feel like I can't be myself.

In the end I know what I don't want for my life. I know the path I don't want to follow. What I want to do I don't know. And I'm starting to think that no one knows. Even if sometimes when I talk to some people it seems that they have everything figure it out. Maybe they don't and they just make me feel like they do. We don't know what's inside other people's minds. Just like they don't know what's on my mine.