Good news

This week I had both psychiatrist and psychologist appointments. And they both went better than what I was expecting. They both said that I was doing a lot better than before and that even if I don't feel that I'm better that I am and that I'm on the right path to get out of this. 

The psychiatrist said that if I keep going like this that in January we can start talking about starting to stop taking the antidepressant. I still need to do the three months (I'm starting the second month) but if everything goes well the third month can be the month where I start the withdrawal. I'm happy with this. I'm feeling a little bit scared because I sometimes I think that what if the only reason I'm feeling better it's because of this? Can the antidepressant be the only reason why I'm feeling more calm? More like myself? I know the antidepressant helps and that a lot of where I am now it's because I'm working to get better. But I can't stop thinking that if I stop taking the antidepressant I might return to what I was in August/September. And that scares me a little. I know I have to take this step by step and accept every victory.

The psychologist said that he feels I'm ready to start having the appointments every four weeks instead of every two weeks. That he helped me see what I needed to do to get better and that he gave me all the tools I needed to get better and now I have to put all of that in practice (I already am doing that). 

Even though I'm happy that I'm doing better and that they both feel that I'm on the right path, all of this scares me a little. I can't help but think that maybe four weeks it's too much to not have the appointment. That maybe I'm not ready for it. That maybe I'm not ready to stop taking the antidepressant. It's a small feeling but it's there. I'm going to what I can and what I can't to get better, to get out of this. 

My psychiatrist says I have to have more faith in me. That I need to believe in me more. That I'm capable of doing what I set myself to do. I just need the faith in me.