Feeling better
In the past weeks I've been feeling so much better. I've been feeling more "free", like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. I've been living my life and starting almost everything all over again. Trying to meet more people, trying to work more and trying to "forget" what happened. I've been trying to like myself again, to understand what's in my head and to be happy again. I miss that. I miss being happy. I'm better but I still don't feel happy. Not even close. Most of the times I have to pretend I'm happy because inside I'm not but I also don't want to be the one that's always sad so I try to pretend that I'm happy. The ones that really know me see right through me, but the ones that think that know me don't even notice.
More and more I think I'm really starting to feel like I don't care what others think about me. I just listen to the people I know I can trust. It may seem that I care about everyone opinions, but inside, I don't. It's like I'm pretending so that they don't bother me. I don't want to be bothered. I don't have time for it. I don't have time to listen to people that I know don't want the best for me. That just want to talk and that think that are better than others. And believe me that I'm surrounded by people like that. I'm surrounded by people that think they know everything and that they think they know what's better for everyone. In the past I might believe in them but know I don't. I think I'm starting to see through their bullshit! So I just let them talk and don't let what they say affect me!
Like I said, even though I'm feeling better, even though I'm not what I was months ago, I still feel like I have a big path ahead of me. I'm not in the end of all of this. I'm just now starting to understand everything and how everything affects me. I'm just starting to understand how I can change things. It's going to be a long path and it's not an easy path, but I'll be here to do it! One thing I've learned is that I'm stronger than I thought and that I can do this and I will. I think people don't understand how hard depression is and how hard the path to get out of this is. And for all of this I found out that I'm stronger than what I thought and that, maybe, I can do what I set myself to do.
More and more I think I'm really starting to feel like I don't care what others think about me. I just listen to the people I know I can trust. It may seem that I care about everyone opinions, but inside, I don't. It's like I'm pretending so that they don't bother me. I don't want to be bothered. I don't have time for it. I don't have time to listen to people that I know don't want the best for me. That just want to talk and that think that are better than others. And believe me that I'm surrounded by people like that. I'm surrounded by people that think they know everything and that they think they know what's better for everyone. In the past I might believe in them but know I don't. I think I'm starting to see through their bullshit! So I just let them talk and don't let what they say affect me!
Like I said, even though I'm feeling better, even though I'm not what I was months ago, I still feel like I have a big path ahead of me. I'm not in the end of all of this. I'm just now starting to understand everything and how everything affects me. I'm just starting to understand how I can change things. It's going to be a long path and it's not an easy path, but I'll be here to do it! One thing I've learned is that I'm stronger than I thought and that I can do this and I will. I think people don't understand how hard depression is and how hard the path to get out of this is. And for all of this I found out that I'm stronger than what I thought and that, maybe, I can do what I set myself to do.
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