Expectations

I don't know if it's just me but I always kept my expectations or hope low. Maybe it's just a defense system because when you set your expectations high and you can't achieve them you always end up hurting and you start not believing in yourself. That's what happens to me at least. What also happens to me is that even though I try to keep my expectations low I always have this hope inside me. This hope that says that things will end up okay. And when they don't that hope is crushed and it hurts. A lot.

The same happens when you believe in someone. When you put your hopes into someone. People will always disappoint you. One way or another. Because you always end up expecting more from them. Even though we shouldn't, we always end up expecting that that person will be different and will match your expectations and what you believe they can be. And maybe I'm also like that. Maybe someone has higher expectations for me and I don't achieve them and they will be disappointed. Maybe that already happened, I've let someone down. And that's how things works.

I've been hurt a lot. By other people, by myself, and most of the times it's because I set the bar very high. Or not. Maybe I just don't believe in myself enough to reach the bar and I pull myself down. It's one of the things I'm working on now and it was one of the things that lead me to where I am now. It doesn't help you at all when you are your own enemy, when you are the one that doesn't let you reach your goals and dreams. Or when you are the one that doesn't let you dream at all because doesn't believe you will ever reach it.