England

My time in England was really bitter sweet. On one hand I loved being there and I loved the opportunity it brought me but on the other hand it was awful.

Don't get me wrong. I loved the experience and I really think it made me grow hope a little but it was very, very lonely and all that time alone only made me think about everything that I thought was wrong with me, with my life. I had to much time on my own. I met new people and I tried to socialize but I was in a house a little far away from the center of the village so most of the time after work I would spend it alone. And even though I would talk to my mom, my best friends and my then boyfriend everyday, I was alone. I would eat alone, watch tv alone, basically I would do everything alone. Those were two long months for me. And I think things started to go down there. In the end I just wanted to come home and when I did the reality of what I thought the rest of my summer would be changed drastically. And it was hard. Very hard. All that together threw me into the bottom of the hole I'm trying to get out (I'm going to get out). 

But being in England thought me that I can adapt myself to places that are way out of my comfort zone, that maybe I really can do something outside of college and that England is not as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't love the country but I think that with time and with friends there I could start to like it! 

So, when I look back and I think about my time in England I can't say I miss it. I don't. I want to forget those two months so bad. Just erase them of my mind. Nothing about those two months brings me joy and happiness. Nothing. At least for now. I think all of this is normal. England brings me back memories that were supposed to be happy but turned out to be sad. Maybe one day I can look back and not feel hurt about them. About everything that happened while I was there. For now I can't. It really still breaks my heart to think or even write about it more.