Christmas

Well, it's that time of the year again! Christmas! Do you like it? Do you love it? Do you hate it? I never liked Christmas that much honestly. It's not my favorite holiday at all. I like that all the family is together, that I get to see my cousins and aunts and uncles, that everyone is happy and, I have to admit, love the food!

In my house Christmas is all about the food! Being on the table for hours just talking and eating! But I guess that's always like that when my family gets together and I think that's why Christmas is not more special than Eastern. The big difference is that on Christmas I see my little cousins open their gifts and I can see the happiness in their eyes while they do that. That's special and unique. And I love thinking about the gifts I'm going to buy. I'm more a giver than a receiver. The feeling I have when I see that the gift I chose is the one they wanted is wonderful.

But Christmas is always a sad time for me. My grandfather's birthday was on the 25th and since he died I always feel like something is missing. I miss him. I miss him a lot (the pain I'm feeling while I'm writing this is huge), but on the 25th is harder. I always feel alone even though I'm surrounded by my family. It's like the hole I have in my heart gets bigger on that day. And it scares me that maybe one day I won't miss him, that one day the 25th will be just another day. Will it mean I forgot him?

Guess this year it's going to be a little bit harder because it was the time that things started to change last year. I hate this part of me that remembers all of these things. That remembers exactly how things happened and how they happened. Guess I need to start to agree with my psychologist and my psychiatrist: I'm a romantic. And I'm not sure I like it...