Trust issues?

I've always been a person that trusts people very easily. I tend to think everyone is good and I always give everything I can. Some people say that I have a very good heart. And I like it. The problem is that I tend to get hurt more. When you give everything you have you always get hurt when people don't give back, when people disappoint you. It's not that I'm expecting something in return, but it hurts when some people don't even try. When you feel used. 

The problem with having a big heart is that you always forgive. You always think that it's not going to happen again, that the next time it'll be different. With some people it never is. I learned from my mistakes. I built walls around me and I didn't let people in. I can even share a lot of whats going on in my life, but I never share everything. Only my closest family and maybe 3/4 friends know everything about my life. Only them know what's really on my mind. Because I know I can trust them. I know if they somehow disappoint me it's not on purpose. But it's hard when you rely on someone and in the end that someone ends up disappoint you. I think I might put my expectations towards people I like pretty high, I guess I expect from them the same I expect from me towards them. And most of them never get even close to those expectations. You make plans, you believe in something, you believe that you might actually be happy, that there's something good for you and in the end everything falls apart. Because you expected more from someone else. 

I have to admit that after everything that happened in these past couple of years my trust issues are bigger. This year I let my walls down and things didn't go the way I was expecting. I got hurt, I got disappointed. I had high expectations and it's always bad when you can't achieve them. So I built my walls again. And it's going to be even harder to let them down ever again. I know that. At least for now I don't see myself let them down in the near future. I feel safe and protected with my walls around me. And I need to feel safe. I need to feel protected. I need that to make my decisions. When my walls are down I feel vulnerable. And while it's good for us to feel that way around people you know you can trust and you know won't ever hurt you, how can we know that someone won't hurt us? We can't. And I'm too hurt to let my guard down. I feel I can't trust no one. Someone is ending up hurting me one way or the other. 

My trust issues are huge, I know. This is just the tip of the iceberg. And this also makes me not trust myself. Because while my heart can say I can trust someone, my head says I can't because I'm going to get hurt in the end. I know I can't keep detaching myself from people, even though I'm just trying to protect my heart. But if I keep doing this I might stop feeling anything. And even though that seems a good idea, it's not the best decision.

"Oh my heart, stay out of my head

My head, get out of my heart

Oh my heart, stay out of my head

My head, get out of my heart"