Being lost

One of the things that scaries me the most now, aside from the feeling of feeling completely alone, is the feeling of being lost. I always knew what I wanted and, more important in my opinion, what I did not want for my life. In some ways I still do. I have a good ideia of what I want to do when I finish my studies. But I often get this feeling of not knowing who I am. I always thought I had a very defined personality and I loved that about myself. I always defended my ideas and what I thought was right. But sometimes I just don't recognize myself. I know it might be because of the place where I am at the moment.

I never doubt myself as much as I do now. I'm always pushing myself back because I'm never sure if what I'm about to do is the right thing or if I'm going to be able to do it right. Most of the times I don't do it. Now I've been trying to make myself do it. Even if it goes wrong, even if I fail. I need to start doing it. Take a chance, take the risk. I know I'm going to feel devastated if it fails but if I don't try I'll never know what could happen and there's no worst thing than living in doubt. "What if I had done it? What if I had taken the chance, taken the risk?". I already doubt myself, I don't want to have doubts about my actions.

I need to surpass the fear of failing, of not being good enough, of not being enough. I need to trust myself and my choices and stand by them even if something goes wrong. I need to live my life and without looking back. At least, in the end, I'll know I gave everything I could. I need to start seeing myself from above and not from bellow.